You desire my yieldedness

relinquishing control

“You’re such a breath of hope.” —my friend, Omotunde (2024).

It is 10:32PM, Saturday night and I do not feel like “a breath of hope.” I’m sitting in my closet, on my black puffer jacket and a couple pillows turned bean bag, wondering how long I can hold myself together. I feel myself falling apart. Performance has gotten me this far, but now my strength is failing and this is misery. I am shedding performance.

In this season, I’ve watched the things I thought I had a grip on slip away, leaving me with a new kind of emptiness. An unfamiliar feeling, perhaps a reflection of my unyielding heart that seeks to control the trajectory of my life, the timeline of every season. But I do not want control anymore, I yield afresh.

relinquishing control

My heart is longing for safety that I cannot provide. Certainty that I do not have. Strength that I cannot give because I have only an exhaustible amount that now seems to be depleted from living in performance and forcing my hand in control.

In all, I remember that my Father is the good Shepherd, so I lack nothing. He is the fountain of life that refreshes, hope Himself, and in His fullness, I find complete satisfaction. I may have a shortsighted vision of my future, but my heavenly Father knows and holds the entirety of my tomorrow, so why do I strive? I yield afresh.

yieldedness

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I know a man who mastered the art of yieldedness.

This mastery was not attained by convenience, or living with His desires at the forefront of His heart. It was in relinquishing control, especially when it hurt. That even in deep agony, when He desired anything but the cup of suffering, the cry of His heart was “not my will, but Yours be done.” This man, Jesus Christ, by virtue of His yieldedness, you and I have eternal life. We have the Holy Spirit, a foretaste of heaven dwelling in us, and an everlasting friendship with the Father.

Father, I am ready to be undone by who You are. To yield to Your careful hands as You prune the parts of me that You deem fit. Rid my heart of pride and performance, and idols I have enthroned on my heart. A yielded heart, Lord, You desire.

As I yield afresh, Lord, take Your seat on the throne of my heart, for yieldedness is the heart posture where Your heart desires become enthroned on mine. and in my yieldedness, let this be the cry of my heart: “Lord, let Your kingdom come, let Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

I yield to the careful hands of grace,

to the promptings of wisdom,

to the tenderness in Your Fatherhood,

to the security in Your Lordship,

I yield to You, Jesus.

Until next time, here’s beauty for your ears: Steffany’s prayer